I think it’s probably because of the holiday season that people have been feeling more unsettled and excited lately.

For Fallina reading session 23, Nina and I met up and talked for two hours straight without turning a single page. I remember it was on the day of the Mid-Autumn Festival. I finished our chat without regretting spending the whole two hours talking without even discussing much of the book.

Our reading session 24 was kind of similar. We read for half an hour, but we were too excited about the upcoming National Day holiday. I don’t quite remember what we talked about regarding the book until two weeks after our meeting, when I opened my notebook, trying not to lose track of our weekly Fallina sessions.

Nobody Would Notice Anyway

Last week, during the long holiday, we were supposed to have reading session 25. But since Nina had something urgent to deal with, I found myself with a perfect excuse not to get out the door and attend the reading session by myself. Since nobody else was coming, I thought it would be okay to just cancel it. Nobody would notice anyway.

But when I noticed this horrible idea creeping into my head, it startled me. I was gripped by the thought. If I didn’t care about Fallina, would I just let it be and not attend my own book club?

No, that’s not right. I started Fallina in the first place. Even if nobody comes, I should at least keep the ritual. I’ve always said I like people who can be consistent in doing something, but look at who I’ve become myself.

Is It Just About Having Someone to Talk To?

I noticed how much social factors matter when it comes to attending a book club. Even I feel a strong reluctance to join an event when there’s nobody there I particularly want to talk to. I would probably have quit a club like that a long time ago.

But what about my Fallina? Did I start it just to have someone to socialize with?

No, I didn’t.

I envisioned a group of people, maybe just a couple of them, each holding their books instead of their phones, sitting together simply to read. I love that vibe more than the noise some girls make when they get together and become too excited.

We don’t have any male members yet, but I believe there are men out there who also enjoy simply reading alongside other readers.

That’s what Fallina should be like to me.

Keeping the Ritual

So even if nobody comes, I should go and bring that energy myself.

I know it can be hard to keep something going when you’re not prioritizing it in your life. Nina and I both have better plans for each day, and to be honest, neither of us needs a book club to enjoy reading.

But I think I should make Fallina the one weekly event I prioritize above other plans, a sacred ritual I keep no matter how crazy life becomes.

I don’t know. It may sound crazy, but I believe it’s the right thing for me. I feel the calling.

So, see you next week, whether you come or not. I’ll be there at a set time, at a random spot, reading alone until someone comes and reads with me.