I think I’ve grown to love small gatherings. I used to enjoy being surrounded by friends, the noise and fullness of it all. But somewhere along the way, I began to crave quality more than quantity. I’m not even sure when I started preferring more alone time than constant company. What I do know is that time with Nina at Secret Fallina Bookclub always feels worthwhile — the kind of quality time that never feels wasted.

It was Chinese New Year, so we both wore something RED. No other Fallianna showed up that day, which meant we had a full hour just for ourselves. We caught up slowly, talking about love, destiny, and numerology. Nina even read my numbers for me — which was unexpectedly fun.

I do believe personalities fall into certain patterns, almost as if something was written before we were born. And as I’ve heard more than once, my main life lesson seems to revolve around relationships. If everyone has one lesson to conquer, mine would probably be men.

We joked about changing our obsessions — Nina’s being money — but deep down, we both know we’re happy with ourselves. Maybe people just need different problems to make life interesting.

Wuthering Heights and the Zone of Possibility

We talked about Wuthering Heights, since I’m still reading it. Nina already finished it and is now on her third book. I’m only on Chapter 10.

What confuses me is how quickly love happens in the story. Catherine loves Heathcliff yet chooses to marry Edgar Linton for security. Heathcliff disappears without a word, then returns three years later. Isabella falls for him almost instantly.

Is it because their world was small — their options limited? Did they fall in love simply with whoever entered their lives?

That question stayed with me.

There are billions of people in this world, yet only a small number ever enter our personal zone of possibility. Out of those limited intersections — the people who cross our path at the right time, in the right context — we choose someone to love. Or we don’t.

Do we really have endless romantic options?

Maybe not.

Maybe love is less about destiny and more about proximity.

Maybe we fall for the people who happen to stand in front of us. I hate that idea!!!

Ideal Love and the Question of Perfection

Sometimes I question whether ideal love even exists.

According to Nina’s numerology reading, I tend to find faults in men too easily — which might be why no one ever seems perfect enough. I wonder if my expectations sabotage my own chances.

But when I look at myself, I realize something important: I love myself deeply, with heart and soul. That kind of love exists. I can feel it. If that form of love is real within me, then maybe it can exist between two people too. Maybe the person who matches that vision simply hasn’t entered my zone of possibility yet.

And I reject the idea that women love harder than men. I think both can love intensely. Both can sabotage. Both can avoid responsibility. Love is not a gendered competition — it’s a human complexity.

Maybe Catherine and Heathcliff weren’t experiencing ideal love at all. Maybe it was obsession. Intensity. Attachment. A projection of need. That kind of love isn’t what I’m looking for. I want something whole. Something calm but strong.

The Quiet That Matters

What I loved most about that afternoon wasn’t even the debate about love. It was the silence afterward. We sat across from each other and read for another half hour. No pressure. No performance. Just the sound of pages turning. That, to me, is what Fallina is meant to be.

Not merely a social event, but a space for intentional conversations, physical books, shared curiosity, and peaceful coexistence. Different personalities. Shared air. Natural light. A soft breeze.

We’ve already set small challenges for ourselves — keeping the group chat alive three times a week. Dropping pebbles into still water.

We call ourselves the Fallianna at Secret Fallina Bookclub. And maybe more Fallianna will join us soon — ready to enter this quiet space where we question love, test our ideas, and slowly build our own systems of meaning. We’re excited to see you soon at Fallina. Let the small pebbles we drop awaken the still water, sending ripples in a graceful rhythm.