The New Year kicked off with my long-awaited full marathon. I have to admit, I finished the race with an unexpectedly surprising result: 4:56. Having been watching Squid Game recently, I now think of that number as a good one because it’s so unique. After all, every number can be meaningful if we choose to give it significance.

Thrilled at Finishing My 1st Ever Full Marathon

I never thought I could complete 42.195 km in under 6 hours. But it turns out I’m stronger than I expected. I felt elated—until I got sick. I cried all night from the physical pain. Thankfully, the flu didn’t worsen, but I was alone in a hotel room, and being sick by myself could’ve been miserable.

I thought that once the flu passed, my happiness level would return to its average state, after experiencing the extreme joy of finishing my first marathon without any injury or discomfort. I thought I was prepared for the drop in happiness, that I had learned the pattern. But life had other plans.

Sit with the Sorrow

Life doesn’t follow my rules. I don’t know why, but I’m still in unbearable pain. The one person I cherished deeply suddenly told me he wished to leave my life for good. Due to some deep-seated fear, I unintentionally leaned on him too much.

Did I do something foolish to push the relationship past its breaking point? Maybe. But I’ve loved him for all these years, with all my heart and mind. And yet, I know I must let go. Life never shows us what it plans to take from us. But I’ve learned that if something can’t stay, there’s no point in holding on.

Accept Whatever Happens, Happens

Everyone has their own life to live. I can’t control anyone but myself. I didn’t even find the time or energy to do a 2024 recap for my blog, but maybe that’s okay. Not everything needs to be perfect.

Although the year has just begun, I feel like I’ve already tasted both the highest happiness and the deepest sorrow. Should I question my life? Should I keep mourning my loss? No. I shouldn’t. Soon, I’ll return to my usual routine, finding peace and contentment in the simple things.

Love is rare, and maybe I’m not lucky enough to keep it. But I love those who are brave enough to stay with me. I will be more resilient, accepting whatever happens in my life. I have friends and family. I’m not alone. For the one person who brought such intense emotions into my life, I’m grateful. Even the sorrow is valuable. After all, I’m still capable of feeling such deep emotions at the age of 33. I feel blessed, and I’ll continue working on improving myself.

Grateful for both the good and the bad.