I woke up at 5:30 AM instead of 3:00 AM, ran my five kilometers for the day before the rain and before the whole city woke up.

• During the first kilometer, I was still half asleep.
• During the second kilometer, I wondered why I even got out of bed to run.
• During the third kilometer, I started to feel a bit happy.
• During the fourth kilometer, I wanted to run a little faster.
• During the fifth kilometer, it was almost over and I could finally stretch and take some pictures!

Even if I run every day, I guess I will always experience these ups and downs. There is no morning run that will be completely easy and completely happy!

After I finished running, took a shower, and ate a healthy breakfast, I felt incredibly happy. Then I read for half an hour and even took a nap. Now I am finally sitting down to write.

I was out wandering for two months, but it wasn’t really wandering since I stayed in hotels and ate well. I guess it was that feeling of being unattached that made me wake up from nightmares in the middle of the night so often!

Back in the city where I work, I am still unattached, but at least I have a permanent place to live. I moved into a nice hotel-style apartment. Yes, you are probably wondering “why another hotel?” Because everything that happens happens for a reason! I believe that in the grand scheme of things, everything that happens is guiding me towards the life I want to live.

This apartment is very quiet and is also within my daily living circle. I have been living here for a few days and I am very comfortable. Because I own all the furniture, I can cook and do laundry, which makes me feel less like a traveler. Of course, I have to clean the apartment myself, which can be a pain, but there is something very healing about walking barefoot on the floor after it has been cleaned.

I don’t think I have anything seriously wrong with me. My friends keep guessing that something big must have happened to me since I was gone for two months. But nothing really happened, I just had to move out of my old place and I was thinking of saving two months of rent in a big city and going to a smaller city to hang out. I thought I would just find a place with not many people and lay back, but I didn’t expect that there would be stories happening wherever I went.

I met a really nice boy, and he seems to be slowly fading out of my life recently. He told me a lot of things, many of which I can’t remember anymore, except that he believes I can be a writer, and he is also a complete “dreamer”. I think it was this shared sense of romanticism and impracticality that drew us to each other at first.

But the world is too big, and when we were traveling, we seemed to only have each other, but once we came back to our respective cities, everything was different in an instant. Our shared experiences were more like a beautiful and unreal dream. I miss him, of course! But what can I do?

It takes a lot of courage and many other factors for two people to meet in real life. The short time we met during our travels was not in anyone’s plans, and who would jump into this boundless adventure without a second thought? I may be a natural adventurer, but I can also be timid, especially when beautiful and unreal experiences can make me lose confidence. Of course, I hope to meet someone who is strong and brave, but am I that person myself? I feel like I’m hitting a wall, I’m afraid of getting hurt, and then I gradually lose my interest in adventure.

I am not as carefree as I seem on the surface, nor am I promiscuous as my friends think. I believe that people are capable of loving many people, but this ability will be consumed as they experience more and more. But truly brave people dare to step onto the battlefield of love again and again! When I love you, I only love you, and it is love to meet someone who loves you back, and it is a miracle to love each other for a long time.

I love you now, that’s for sure. But if my love doesn’t get a passionate response, I can still choose to love other people. I will also feel hurt, even more deeply than any of you have ever been hurt. But I’m not afraid! What really scares me is not having anyone to love. Of course I can live my life well, but if love can make the same thing shine in a different light, why don’t people bravely experience it?

All wounds will mend, and isn’t our life’s purpose to expend our courage and wear out our flawless forms? This is my current state, still dwelling on love. There’s no shame in discussing love, and I wish you all well!