Blurring away & I hate the non-stop rain. Reading every day was the only achievement out of my 3 Trinities for New Year’s resolution 2024. I can feel myself wanting to let go.

I went to the gym a couple of times this week, but due to the non-stop rain, I feel incredibly weak in my body. My period hit, which caused a lot of frustration with everything. I can even feel the sluggishness in me. And I’m just being so unreasonable.

Spending too much time on social media was another negative influence. I don’t know how people can immerse themselves in such unrealistic ways of killing time.

For matters of the heart, I still haven’t started my story yet. I wrote letters, both sent and unsent, to friends. But most of the time, I struggle with my inner loneliness.

My friends said they envy me a lot for having so many guys who like me. But deep down, what I always need and want is someone who is sure about me and always expresses his love. However, none of them make me feel secure or sure. I too, loved them, but I stopped expressing my feelings when I felt they didn’t react the way I wanted them to.

The feeling of having no one I truly want to talk to hit me again. People are just so busy with their own feelings and lives. I’m always active on social media, willing to be proactive most of the time. Because I don’t want to be one of those who close their hearts for fear of getting hurt. I’m not afraid of getting hurt, but I can feel drained too.

Guess there’s the reason I should step away from social media for a bit. Nobody is ever truly too busy to text you. If they truly fear losing you, they won’t let it happen.

For books, miles, and matters of the heart, I should focus more on myself and stop trying to rescue the hearts of others. I wrote letters to you, then kept them to myself, since we’re all too afraid to love.