Living the fancy, exciting life on social media is tempting, but I decided to get back to my everyday routine. What does that look like?

• Mornings: I wake up around 6 am, then went running.
• Evenings: I aim to sleep early, because long nights can be torturous when emotions run high.

Working out helps me tick off boxes on my “Mile” trinity for my 2024 New Year’s Resolution. Exercise seems to be a cure for my deep pessimism. It works almost all the time – when I move my body and sweat it out.

I also read regularly every day. I recently purchased a new physical book online. The most touching thing was that my brother started reading the books I left at home and even my Chinese blogs. Knowing someone reads my content is a great motivator. I feel incredibly lucky to have him as my brother.

Speaking of love and expressing emotions, I do that a lot with friends (not too much with family regretfully). Many people don’t, and I believe love is the most important thing for everyone, even those who choose to close themselves off from the world. I don’t want to be like that, so I choose to act differently. I’m a hugger, and I miss giving and receiving those 3,000 hugs! The welcome back hugs from friends after my trip were nice, but I crave more connection.

I need to be more fearless. Fearlessness, to me, is freedom. When you’re fearless to love loudly, you’re free from hurt and hidden uncomfortable feelings.

While I know writing and creating content is the most important thing in my life, I haven’t been successful with my “Matters of the Heart” trinity. Work can be draining, and honestly, sometimes I hate turning on my computer after work. I bought my Mac (I named it “Little Book”) specifically to write whenever and wherever I want, but it turns out I mainly use my Little Book for work-related tasks.

I don’t hate my job, but it feels like I’m always working for someone else. The idea of working for oneself is more appealing, and I guess that’s why many people dislike their jobs. I have the chance to become self-employed, but the fear of failing to support myself is paralyzing. True freedom requires preparation and courage to face the world alone.

I don’t hate myself for being afraid. I’ve decided to understand myself and give myself time to prepare. Fear is human nature, just like love. The fear of losing someone shows that they love you, so fear isn’t all bad. My goal of becoming fearless doesn’t mean being ruthless.

Everyone wants freedom, but the question is: what price are you willing to pay? I believe I’ve paid the price for love and freedom with the insecurities I constantly have about love and the seeming helpless experimentations. I don’t hate these experiences – they make me who I am. I accepted them all ( at least trying so hard to)!

I’ve chosen to live a simple, routine life. I just need to stick with it and not crave more. You can have a fulfilling life, but everyone has their own path. Nobody has it all. Embrace the decisions you make and the consequences they bring.

A new week has started. My routine might not be exciting, but I’m committed to keeping it, like a promise I made.