Weeks on end passed without me really noticing it. Last night, when I got home alone after midnight, I could feel the feelings of unachievement winning over me.

The past week, I wasted too much time on hopeless relationships while avoiding my main focus in life. Feeling unusually tired most of the time. I wasn’t getting up early to run or do anything else. My days felt shorter quite a bit. I read on the weekends without doing anything else. While watching TV or scrolling through my phone, I was wasting my precious nights that should have been spent reading my daily quotes.

People can easily grow lazy. Last night, when I got home late after midnight, I checked all my past posts to see how I grew into today. I mean, most of the progress happened when I was all alone and focused solely on myself. However, I still crave that ideal love with someone. That late-night taxi didn’t feel too bad. I thought I would be scared so late outside alone, but the breeze coming in through the window and the speeding of the late-night car without traffic actually felt so good.

We often spend too much time and energy on other people and stuff, while neglecting to care about whether I truly feel valued or loved. What do we truly need to feel motivated? What should that constant be? We all lose our way sometimes. We wander and lose track. But as we record and journal, we can always find some kind of peace in ourselves.

Since I traveled for two months this year already, I think I would be okay without going anywhere for the rest of the year. But I miss the foreign wandering in a strange place, and I miss that type of me when I need to be fully responsible for, and only for, myself outside somewhere. Today is the beginning of Autumn in China. I think we should create a memory of each day special.