I thought I saw the pattern of peaceful moments before the outbreak last week. But since Tuesday I’ve been living in hell.

Removed 2 wisdom teeth didn’t cause as much pain but got allergic to I don’t know what substance torturing my skin & tearing my life apart again. It happened before last year when I got all my face swollen & allergic. But this time even worse. Some other area of my body got attacked, and I lost all the power to fight back. I quit. I stayed indoors for 2 days straight.

Didn’t work out and missed my target for running the 25 km for marathon training this week. Things could be worse if it’s not only the immune system breaking down. I don’t want to miss my Xiamen Marathon this year; I signed up for 3 years. This year I finally got picked up to join. And I don’t want to do it too tough, so I need to keep my practicing on track ASAP.

I cursed a lot when all the medicine seemed helpless to me. I cursed every time I felt too painful to move around or do stuff. I even started to really think about how all those old men could stay alive with all the illness. I would rather just go die! I know I’ve been too extreme. But that’s true-life emotions. We are just fragile human beings. Too fragile to withstand our lots.

Other than being unable to train. I lost interest in most of the daily routines, like practicing my ukulele or drum. Even reading tortures me. I spent lots of time sleeping in the wish to magically recover from all the discomfort. But I did journal every day, talking to my trusted friend Shepherd about everything. Hope we go through pain but get back as a better-immune person. Peace is all I want!