If you don’t plan for the day, it is highly possible that you don’t know what to wake up for. I woke up at 1 pm today, constantly rolling in bed and struggling to shake off all those unhappy thoughts and stuff that drowned me in my sleep.

Life never goes exactly as planned

Last week was a mess for me, especially after my phone died following 5 years of service. I couldn’t finish my reading because I was busy setting up the new phone to match the old one. However, since the old phone suddenly powered off, I didn’t have a chance to copy everything, and I almost forgot most of the apps I used every day, along with almost all the passwords. 

This week has been a red alert for me, signaling that I still have a long journey ahead to master the art of handling turbulence. I could do well if everything went smoothly according to my plan, but life doesn’t work like that, does it?

What you love is the anchor for life

But I think what is behind the turbulence is something you can call an anchor or a constant. For me, doing what I love acts as an anchor, guiding me forward and preventing me from getting lost in the midst of life’s challenges.

I finished an online half marathon in the gym on a treadmill, despite the miserable weather that day. I felt proud of myself and strongly agreed that as long as you’re determined to do something, you can do it no matter what. Most of the time, if you think you can’t do it, you’ll end up not even trying to stand on that treadmill.

Also, I finally went out skateboarding in a populated park, not in the safe place where I practice every day. Actually, I never thought one day I could be a skateboarder. I got my first skateboard for one of my ex-boyfriends, thinking he was cool for wanting to try skateboarding, although I seriously doubt he even knows how to skateboard now. 

Those years, I thought anyone with a dream or a hobby was really cool because I didn’t have anything I loved in particular, except reading books? But back then, I thought reading was nerdy, and boys who could play basketball or even smoke were cool to me. But now, as I started working on myself, I found the past me was so childish, insecure, and weird. That me was always trying to see the world through someone else’s eyes but forgot how amazing life can be by focusing only on my own.

The moment you love yourself is when true love begins

Just the other day, I read a line from the movie Meet Joe Black: “Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without.” In that particular moment, what I thought about was not a princess charming but myself.

This Saturday when I went to Hash, we stopped at a mountaintop to enjoy beers. That day was very cold for me and cloudy, and I hate those kinds of weather as I grew up in a place where there is seldom good weather.

I always thought I couldn’t generate enough heat for myself. But that day, I realized, not for the first time but stronger, I don’t need anybody’s heat. I can wear more clothes to keep myself warm; I can move around to keep the heat. 

You only need more preparations to conquer most of the fears you had all those years, and you have the ability to create new experiences for yourself. What’s more, that’s way easier than always focusing on having someone coming for you.

I felt so relieved that day, alone on that mountaintop, away from anyone, just sitting there feeling the tranquility inside and watching the cold wind pass through the weeds.

Stick to a plan, but allow yourself to wander off the trail a bit

This last week was filled with stress from the week before, and I only noticed this is only the 2nd week as I started to live according to a plan to grow myself and check every day every week. I know maybe I’ve just got too much planned out, which frightened my inner self since it got too used to going on auto-drive.

Don’t hate yourself if you are not doing whatever you ought to do YET. Always remember you have a “Yet” in your life’s plan. Don’t stress yourself too much, but focus on what those laybacks may mean in the depth of your life.

I just laid out the plan for this new week. The first day of this week started rough with a late wake-up and felt everything was screwed up since I really hate being dragged into an awful state of not waking up and not wanting to wake up for the new day.

All in all, I love what I experienced last week, including those bad experiences I hated the moment I was in it. All experiences count, just be brave enough to embrace them and avoid judging yourself on a single dimension. You are unique and multidimensional, more so than you might think.

Happy New Week!