Last week was the last week of June, and I had so much on my mind.

Life has been feeling a little lonely lately, especially as the initial freshness of moving into my new apartment slowly faded away. I think what I truly crave now is not more activities or more people around me, but deeper connections.

I do have friends, and I can confidently say that I’m really good at making friends. Lack of social activities or companionship has never really been a problem for me. But somehow, I still feel alone.

I don’t really have someone I can talk to about whatever is truly going on in my mind. I talk to ChatGPT, but he doesn’t have a real life to share with me, and he is always so mature and rational. I talk to my books, but sometimes I realize I just don’t have the right book that I can truly relate to at that moment. So, there are times when I feel completely alone in this world. Not lonely. Just a little sad about the reality.

Maybe this is also part of growing up. You can be surrounded by people, have conversations every day, and still realize that some thoughts can only be carried by yourself. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes it feels heavier than expected.

Rainy Days and Physical Pain

Last week was constantly rainy. I stayed indoors too much and for too long. I still managed to do some running, but here came the low point of the week.

As I tried to improve my running pace, I decided to add one tempo training session every week. Unfortunately, after last week’s training, my back started to hurt. For a couple of nights, I could barely sleep well because my back felt numb and painful, even following me into my dreams.

When my body started to complain, my mind seemed to become more vulnerable as well. Small worries became louder, and the gloomy weather somehow made everything feel heavier.

What made it worse was that I felt my running pace had actually become slower recently. I don’t know why. But I don’t want to blame my age. I’m not that old yet.

As a runner, it is frustrating to feel like you are putting in the effort but not seeing the progress you hoped for. There is always a little voice in your head asking: “Am I getting worse?” But I’m trying not to let one difficult season define my entire journey.

Anyway, physical pain always seems to go hand in hand with emotional struggles. Combined with the endless rain, the whole week felt covered in a layer of gloominess.

A Saturday Hike That Brought Me Back to Life

But even during the darkest periods, there is always some light. It finally stopped raining on Saturday, so I decided to go hiking. I hadn’t joined a hike for a while, mostly because of the heavy summer downpours. This time, we did a 10-kilometer hike.

It was crazy humid. Along the trail, there were hundreds of spider webs blocking the path, and I even got stung by a wasp. Honestly, it sounds like a terrible experience.

And objectively speaking, it really was not an easy hike. I was sweaty, uncomfortable, and constantly reminded that nature doesn’t always welcome you gently. But somehow, I was so happy.

I saw waterfalls along the way, waited by the rushing water, and enjoyed being surrounded by nature. While walking alone on the trail, I sang loudly and happily about whatever random thoughts came into my head.

For a moment, I stopped thinking about my worries, my pace, my future, or whether I was doing enough in life. I was just there — walking, singing, sweating, and feeling alive. That was the highlight of my week.

And even though I got pretty tired afterwards, when I think back to that difficult but fulfilling Saturday hike, I still feel that everything was worth it.

Living One Day at a Time

I try not to overthink life and its meaning. I try to live one day at a time. But you know, life doesn’t always go easy on you. From time to time, challenges will come without warning.

Sometimes the best thing we can do is not to solve everything immediately, but simply to take care of ourselves while we are going through it. When those moments arrive, all we can do is face them and nurture ourselves with the tenderest love possible.

Maybe that means allowing yourself to rest, taking care of your body, stretching when you are in pain, sleeping earlier, or simply reminding yourself that you are still doing your best.

Give yourself the kindness, patience, and care that you would give to someone you deeply love.

Until next week.