“If you had the chance to erase all your bad memories, would you do it?” As we journey to Mars with The Sirens of Titan, Nina raises this thought-provoking question.

At this point in the story, we are at a soldiers’ camp on Mars, where the soldiers have lost their memories and have radio antennas implanted in their heads. They are manipulated by an invisible force without knowing who they are or where they came from.

The situation reminded me of Frankenstein, which I am currently reading. The monster hides in a hovel and observes the lives of ordinary people. Eventually, he confronts his creator and asks why he was made so ugly, and why he was brought into the world without a father or a mother.

I suppose everyone longs for a sense of origin—a reason for their existence.

Without memories of their past, how do those soldiers on Mars not lose their minds? Why is Unk the only one capable of recovering his memories again and again, even after seven resets? If your memories were erased, would you try to get them back, or would you become like the other soldiers, staring ahead with blank eyes?

Would You Remove the Pain?

Nina’s original question was actually easier. If only the bad memories were removed, I would probably do it. But both Nina and Chelsea turned down the idea. I asked why. They said that without those painful memories, they would no longer be the people they are today. That made sense to me.

But then another question came to mind: what if we could keep the memories, but remove the emotional suffering attached to the bad ones? Imagine a magical pill. Every time something painful happens, you could take it and erase the emotional turbulence, while keeping the memory itself intact. Would you take it?

Chelsea and I both said yes. From real-life experience, emotions such as anger, anxiety, and pressure can be incredibly powerful. Sometimes they consume so much energy that they leave us completely drained. If there were a way to soften that emotional storm, life might become much easier.

After all, learning to manage difficult emotions often takes a tremendous amount of time and effort. Many people become trapped in their suffering and never fully find their way back to happiness.

Everyone Is Carrying Something

We spent the evening talking about memory, identity, and different ways of dealing with painful emotions. What struck me most was the realization that everyone carries some form of suffering. No matter how cheerful, energetic, or confident we appear at a reading event, there is usually something beneath the surface.

I already knew this in theory, but hearing everyone’s thoughts made it feel real. Most of the time, I become so focused on my own struggles that I forget other people are fighting their own battles too. Perhaps life becomes a little easier when we offer others the same compassion we wish to receive ourselves.

Maybe the journey of life is simply a process of continuously exploring who we are, until the day our story ends.

The Portraits We Drew

The highlight of this week’s gathering was our “secret code” (thanks to Chelsea). As part of it, we were each assigned a simple task before the meeting—this week, it was to draw a portrait for another member. So everyone arrived with a portrait prepared for someone else in the group.

I was amazed by the portrait Chelsea made of me. She imagined me as an energetic cartoon character. Secretly, I wondered: do I really seem that energetic to someone who doesn’t know me very well?

I’m not sure. But that single thought somehow cleared away many of the gloomy feelings I had been carrying before the event. I had spent much of the week wrestling with difficult emotions, but after the gathering I felt completely recharged.

Building a Life for Tomorrow

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the kind of life I want to build for myself. After this week’s Fallina Reading Event, I think I’ve found a clearer answer. The life I have today is the life my past self built for me. Instead of constantly chasing the future, perhaps I should spend more time appreciating what already exists. At the same time, I can continue building something today for the version of myself who will arrive tomorrow.

Thank you Fallina, for bringing us together! We will always love you ??