It was pouring. Did I think about canceling the reading session? Yes. But my body was already prepared to go out and get some fresh air. I knew I would love to meet with Fallina, no matter how unwilling I felt before the meetup.

Looking back, I’m glad I went—not because the book impressed me, but because the conversation that came after was worth it.

To be honest, I found nothing particularly interesting that I really wanted to talk about in the book we are reading, The Vanishing Half. With all those hundreds of pages, none of the characters felt real to me. I sensed a huge gap between what the author wanted to show us and what she actually conveyed through the lines and pages.

I almost felt my own messy writing skills reflected at me while reading a bestselling book. Sometimes I know exactly what I want to express, but the words fail to carry the emotion. Seeing that same disconnect in a published novel was honestly disappointing.

When Characters Become Ideas Instead of People

Chelsea showed up on time, as always. I bet the thought of skipping the session never even crossed her mind. I genuinely respect people who are so determined and persistent about the things they care about, no matter the weather, no matter their mood.

We argued a lot about why Stella turned into such a miserable housewife.

For me, she got almost everything she wanted. What the heck? She keeps wearing that miserable victim mask while living in a big house with help, having an adorable daughter, and a loving husband. What else does she want? Why can’t she simply be happy and content with the life she has?

Chelsea sees Stella in a completely different way. She stood by Stella because she believed Stella was deeply traumatized when she was younger. Her father was dragged out of the house by white people, and her mother constantly reminded them that they were not like white people—that they could only truly be safe in Mallard.

I read all those parts, or rather, those subtle hints from the author. Still, I couldn’t fully accept them. I don’t think readers should have to search for evidence to prove the author’s position. To me, a better author should speak directly to the reader’s heart rather than leave tiny breadcrumbs everywhere, expecting readers to connect them afterwards.

Overall, the writing and the transitions felt abrupt and rigid to me. After more than 300 pages out of 500, I still couldn’t truly empathize with any of the characters.

But what fascinated me was not that Chelsea and I disagreed. It was how two people could read the same character and create completely different meanings from her story.

Did I think about giving up on the book? Yes. But since this is our shared reading for Fallina, I think I’ll finish it. Not because I force myself to, but because even a disappointing book feels different when you have someone to talk about it with. I’m not sure if “venting” is the right word here, but there was something strangely comforting about having someone to share my complaints with. It felt like a small act of self-indulgence—in a good way.

The Dreams We Have and the Choices We Make

The funny part of this gathering was our Sacred Code question. We needed to share the ideal career we would want if there were absolutely no limitations or obstacles.

Funny enough, our conversation seemed to move far beyond the book itself. We talked about dreams, personalities, and the choices we make in life. But somehow, the conversation eventually circled back to the story, and I found myself seeing Stella in a slightly different way.

For the ideal career, I think I would like to be the lead singer of a band of four or five people. We would love music, travel around the world, and enjoy the journey together. It doesn’t have to be something grand like Coldplay. Just being surrounded by a group of like-minded people, creating something together, and experiencing the world sounds wonderful to me.

Chelsea’s answer was completely different. She wanted the life of a spy. She imagined herself as someone who could invade others’ computers, master disguise skills, eliminate targets, and become the most talented spy in the world.

But when we changed the question: Would you actually accept that career if someone offered it to you right now?

She hesitated. First, she thought about her family. Then she considered all the practical issues.

I loved that moment. Not because she backed away from her dream, but because it reminded me how differently people are built. If I were offered the chance to travel the world with a band tomorrow, I probably wouldn’t think about anything else. I would just start packing immediately.

Those differences between people have always fascinated me. Maybe that’s why people are drawn to things like personality tests and astrology—they are all attempts to understand why we are the way we are.

Are we designed the way we are, or are we slowly becoming the person we believe ourselves to be? Are we discovering who we are, or are we constantly proving the stories we already believe about ourselves?

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Suddenly, Stella’s choices started making a little more sense to me.

Deep down, maybe she believed she was not white, and therefore she could never truly enjoy the life that only white women deserved.

But who decided that? I don’t think it was only society. Maybe the strongest force was the story Stella told herself over and over again. She lived inside that story. She believed she was someone who did not deserve happiness, and eventually, she became that person.

Maybe that’s what a self-fulfilling prophecy really is. We keep proving what we already believe about ourselves. In a way, we all do this. The stories we repeat in our minds slowly become the lives we create.

I still can’t feel sorry for a character who chooses to stay inside that story. But I also understand her a little more now.

Becoming the Stories We Believe

Maybe this is what makes reading together so meaningful. A book gives us the same pages, but we bring our own experiences, fears, and beliefs into every chapter.

Chelsea saw Stella through the pain she carried. I saw Stella through the choices she made. Neither of us was only reading Stella. We were also revealing something about ourselves.

Anyway, it is always wonderful to spend an afternoon talking about books, wandering into unexpected conversations, and stepping outside the routine of daily life. May we all eventually become the stories we choose to believe in and start making better choices from now on.

Until next time~